How to Spot a Romance Scam: Warning Signs and Practical Steps

Romance fraud occurs when someone creates a false identity or misrepresents who they are to build an online relationship for financial gain.

The deception may continue for weeks, months or even years. During that time, the fraudster gradually builds trust, creates emotional dependence and introduces increasingly serious requests for money, investments, gifts or personal information.

A recent case in Cambridge demonstrated how severe the consequences can become. A woman reportedly believed she was in a relationship with someone claiming to be actor Jay Harrington from the television programme S.W.A.T.. She had already transferred approximately £150,000 and was preparing to sell her home and move to the United States before an estate agent raised concerns and police intervened.

The case illustrates an important point: romance fraud is not always obvious from the beginning. Fraudsters often make the relationship feel ordinary before gradually introducing urgency, secrecy and financial pressure.

What is a romance scam?

A romance scam involves a fraudster pretending to form a genuine emotional or romantic relationship with another person.

The contact may begin through:

• A dating website or app;
• Social media;
• An online game;
• A messaging platform;
• A fan page or celebrity account;
• An unsolicited friend request;
• A professional networking site.

The fraudster may use stolen photographs, fabricated employment details and carefully constructed personal stories. Some impersonate celebrities, military personnel, doctors, engineers, business owners or people working overseas.

Their objective may be to obtain:

• Bank transfers;
• Cryptocurrency;
• Gift cards;
• Loans;
• Access to financial accounts;
• Identity documents;
• Investments;
• Property-sale proceeds;
• Money moved on behalf of another person.

Romance fraud is never the victim’s fault. Fraudsters are skilled at manipulating trust and may spend considerable time making the relationship appear genuine. Police guidance stresses that criminals deliberately build relationships before seeking money or information.

Warning sign 1: the relationship becomes intense very quickly

Fraudsters often try to create a strong emotional bond before the other person has had time to verify who they are.

They may:

• Declare love unusually early;
• Discuss marriage or a future together within weeks;
• Describe the relationship as fate or destiny;
• Send messages constantly;
• Become distressed when replies are delayed;
• Encourage emotional dependence;
• Describe the recipient as the only person they can trust.

This is sometimes described as “love bombing”. Intensity alone does not prove fraud, but it becomes more concerning when combined with secrecy, identity inconsistencies or financial requests.

A genuine relationship should allow time for independent thought, questions and verification.

Warning sign 2: they claim to be famous, successful or frequently overseas

High-status identities can make a fabricated story seem more convincing.

Common personas include:

• Actors or musicians;
• Military officers;
• Doctors or surgeons;
• Oil-rig workers;
• Engineers on overseas projects;
• Wealthy business owners;
• Diplomats;
• Widowers raising children alone.

The person may claim that their work prevents regular meetings or explains why they need help moving money.

Celebrity impersonation deserves particular caution. Public figures do not normally approach strangers through unofficial accounts and then request secrecy, money or marriage.

In the Cambridge case, the victim believed she was communicating with a well-known television actor, despite never meeting him in person.

Warning sign 3: they avoid meeting or verifying their identity

A fraudster will often provide repeated reasons why they cannot meet in person.

Excuses may include:

• Military deployment;
• Overseas employment;
• Illness or injury;
• Travel restrictions;
• Family emergencies;
• Security concerns;
• Broken cameras or poor internet access;
• Last-minute work commitments.

They may agree to video calls but repeatedly cancel them, appear only briefly or use poor-quality footage.

A video call is useful, but it should not be treated as absolute proof of identity. Stolen video, edited recordings, face-swapping and synthetic audio can make online verification more difficult.

Look for consistency across:

• Appearance;
• Voice;
• Time zone;
• Employment history;
• Social-media activity;
• Photographs;
• Dates and locations;
• Answers to ordinary questions.

Repeated avoidance or inconsistent explanations are stronger warning signs than one cancelled meeting.

Warning sign 4: they move the conversation away from the original platform

Fraudsters frequently encourage people to leave dating or social-media platforms and communicate privately through WhatsApp, Telegram, email or another messaging service.

This may help them:

• Avoid platform monitoring;
• Prevent an account suspension from ending contact;
• Communicate under different identities;
• Isolate the person from safety warnings;
• Make the relationship feel more private and exclusive.

Moving platforms is common in genuine relationships, so it is not proof of fraud. Concern increases where the move happens very quickly or is accompanied by requests for secrecy.

Warning sign 5: an urgent financial problem appears

The financial request often begins only after substantial trust has been established.

Common explanations include:

• Emergency medical treatment;
• Travel costs;
• Customs or courier charges;
• Frozen bank accounts;
• Legal fees;
• Business difficulties;
• Equipment needed for work;
• Investment opportunities;
• Inheritance or tax issues;
• Helping a relative;
• Paying for a planned meeting.

The fraudster may initially request a modest amount and repay it or express intense gratitude. Later requests may become larger and more urgent.

They may also appear wealthy while claiming that a temporary technical or legal problem prevents access to their own money.

Police guidance is clear that money should not be sent to someone known only online. This includes bank transfers, gift cards, cryptocurrency and investments.

Warning sign 6: they pressure you to keep the relationship secret

A fraudster may discourage contact with friends, relatives, banks or professionals.

They might say:

• Other people are jealous;
• Family members will not understand;
• The relationship must remain private because of their status;
• The transaction is confidential;
• Telling anyone could endanger them;
• Asking questions shows a lack of trust.

Isolation removes the opportunity for an independent person to notice inconsistencies.

Someone who genuinely cares about you should not pressure you to hide significant financial decisions or prevent you from seeking advice.

Warning sign 7: their photographs or online history do not fit the story

Fraudsters often use photographs stolen from actors, models, military personnel or private individuals.

Possible warning signs include:

• Highly polished photographs with little ordinary personal content;
• An account created recently;
• Very few friends or followers;
• Inconsistent names across platforms;
• Photographs associated with several identities;
• Limited interaction from genuine family or friends;
• A career history that cannot be verified;
• Images that appear on unrelated websites.

A reverse-image search can sometimes reveal where a photograph has appeared before. However, the absence of a result does not prove the identity is genuine, particularly where images have been edited or generated artificially.

Warning sign 8: they ask you to receive or transfer money

Romance-fraud victims may be persuaded to move money, receive parcels, open accounts or transfer funds on someone else’s behalf.

The fraudster may describe this as helping with:

• A business transaction;
• An inheritance;
• A property purchase;
• Charitable donations;
• Salary payments;
• Cryptocurrency trading;
• Customs clearance;
• Temporary banking difficulties.

This could expose the person to financial loss, identity theft or involvement in money laundering.

Police guidance advises people not to transfer money or receive and forward funds or parcels for someone met online.

Warning sign 9: they become defensive when questioned

A fraudster may react strongly when asked for proof or when a payment is refused.

They may:

• Accuse the person of betrayal;
• Threaten to end the relationship;
• Create a new emergency;
• Become angry or distressed;
• Involve a supposed lawyer, doctor or family member;
• Produce documents intended to appear official;
• Insist that there is no time for verification.

Emotional pressure is designed to prevent careful decision-making.

A genuine person should understand reasonable questions where large sums of money, property or personal information are involved.

How the Cambridge case escalated

The Cambridge case shows how a fabricated relationship can progress from online contact to life-changing financial decisions.

Reports indicated that:

• The fraudster impersonated actor Jay Harrington;
• The relationship developed entirely online;
• The victim had transferred approximately £150,000 over several years;
• Funds were sent to addresses in the UK and United States;
• She purchased a wedding dress;
• She planned to sell her home and relocate;
• The estate agent raised concerns;
• Police fraud-prevention officers intervened and safeguarding measures were put in place. 

The case is a reminder that victims may remain convinced even when the financial and practical consequences become severe. Confronting them aggressively or describing them as gullible may strengthen their dependence on the fraudster rather than helping.

How to speak to someone you believe is being scammed

Approach the conversation calmly and without blame.

Helpful steps include:

1. Ask open questions about how the relationship began.
2. Discuss whether the person has met the contact face to face.
3. Review the reasons given for requesting money.
4. Ask whether photographs, employment and identity have been independently verified.
5. Encourage them to pause payments while concerns are checked.
6. Suggest speaking to their bank or the police together.
7. Preserve messages and payment records.
8. Avoid insulting the suspected fraudster or ridiculing the relationship.
9. Focus on safety and evidence rather than proving the person wrong immediately.

Police guidance recommends involving a trusted friend or family member because fraudsters often try to isolate victims and discourage independent advice.

What to do before sending money

Before transferring money or selling an asset:

• Stop and allow time for independent checks;
• Speak to a trusted friend or relative;
• Contact your bank using a verified number;
• Verify the person’s identity through independent sources;
• Do not rely solely on documents they provide;
• Check photographs using reverse-image search;
• Confirm employment directly with the organisation concerned;
• Do not borrow money or release property-sale proceeds;
• Do not invest through links or platforms they recommend;
• Do not provide passport copies, banking credentials or security codes.

Where the request concerns property, pensions, investments or substantial savings, obtain independent legal or financial advice before proceeding.

What to do if you have already sent money

Act quickly, but do not assume that paying more will recover what has already been lost.

Take the following steps:

1. Contact your bank or payment provider immediately.
2. In the UK, call 159 where appropriate to reach participating banks securely.
3. Report the matter to Report Fraud, or Police Scotland if you are in Scotland.
4. Preserve messages, emails, photographs and account details.
5. Save bank statements, receipts and cryptocurrency transaction records.
6. Stop further payments.
7. Do not pay anyone who guarantees recovery.
8. Change passwords if personal or financial information was shared.
9. Seek emotional and practical support.

Police guidance confirms that victims can contact their bank, report the fraud and obtain confidential support through Victim Support.

For detailed guidance after money has been transferred, read our forthcoming guide to Romance Fraud Investigation and Asset Recovery.

Can a suspected online identity be investigated?

An investigation may help assess whether a person is who they claim to be.

Depending on the information available, enquiries may include:

• Checking names and aliases;
• Examining social-media accounts;
• Reviewing photographs and profile history;
• Verifying employment or professional claims;
• Identifying linked websites, companies or addresses;
• Examining phone numbers and email addresses;
• Reviewing payment details;
• Analysing cryptocurrency wallet activity;
• Identifying inconsistencies across jurisdictions;
• Preserving evidence for legal or law-enforcement use.

An investigation cannot guarantee that a person will be identified or that money will be recovered. Results depend on the quality of the available information, the payment method, the jurisdictions involved and how quickly action is taken.

Romance-fraud investigation support

Conflict International assists individuals, families and legal advisers with concerns involving suspected romance fraud and online impersonation.

Our work may include identity verification, open-source and digital enquiries, financial investigation, evidence gathering and asset tracing, depending on the circumstances and agreed scope.

Learn more about our Fraud and Financial Investigation Services or contact us in confidence to discuss a specific concern.

Where money has already been transferred, contact the relevant bank and report the matter to the appropriate authorities without delay.